You must be joking!

I am not joking in actual fact. There was another fire – this time Him Behind the Wheel set the microwave on fire trying to crisp up pork crackling. And no, I have not yet got around to buying the fire blanket and extinguishers. The worst bit this time was the awful smell. The blackened and creaking combination grill/micro/convection oven is now outside and it has been replaced with a pristine stainless steel job. Thank goodness electrical goods are one of the few things that seem to keep going down in price.